When you tell people to BYOB to afternoon tea…online

According to the Cambridge dictionary, to facilitate is “to make something possible or easier.” And at first, when it came to facilitating virtual meetings and online workshops, I did not believe it was remotely possible, and definitely NOT easier—for the facilitator or the participants.

My moment of truth involved a “bring your own-bun” international family visit that I organized during the first pandemic lockdown in the spring of 2020.

All the workshops and conferences in my calendar had evaporated. I had anxious empty hours on my hands, so I organized this Zoom Faspa (the Mennonite equivalent of afternoon tea, traditionally involving buns, cheese and jam, and a cookie or square—and lots of visiting). I sent the link to extended family and told them to BYOB (Bring Your Own Bun). 

On April 1 at 4 p.m., I was standing by myself at my kitchen counter, but I was not alone. With me on the screen of my laptop there’s my 88-year-old mom, my siblings, three cousins from three countries. And until this moment, no Uncle Peter.  

 When my 92-year-uncle in Phoenix finally figured out how to get into the Zoom room, my mom leaned so far into her computer screen that we could only see her eyes. “This is so special,” she says. There was energy in that virtual room.

I snapped a screenshot in that moment. And yes, that’s what my mouth does when I am trying to take a screenshot!).

 I look at those beaming faces, and I know that full-on engagement—so integral to the work that I am passionate about—is possible, even through those digital squares on a laptop.

Then came the work to make it easier—for me as a facilitator, and most importantly, for every participant in every Zoom room I was inviting them to. After 18 months, I can definitely say it is easier, and there are surprising advantages to leverage too.

You are here because your work includes leading staff or board meetings, providing training to groups, heading up strategic planning or peer support groups. You are here because facilitating groups is integral to the work you do—and you want to put new life into your online gatherings. Or maybe you have never facilitated a group and want to learn how, from scratch.

It starts by believing it is possible to create amazing opportunities to engage participants online.  

What’s a moment in the past 18 months when you were gathering remotely where you experienced real connection? It could be when you were facilitating or as a participant. It doesn’t matter whether it was a family get-together, a workshop or a strategy session. 

Take yourself back there. Who were you with, what were you doing together, how did you feel and why did you pick that particular moment? There is a good chance that when you unpack that, it will tell you (or remind you!) what you value in meeting with others, and what can change when you make those genuine connections. 

Now, more than ever, when I am designing a session, the first thing I do is ground myself in what I call the ‘fiery purpose’. It’s establishing why we are gathering, and what could transform because we are meeting together. And as a facilitator, my work is to work from that purpose, to make it possible and easier for everyone in the room to see that possibility too.

No matter how you meet, it’s being grounded in why it matters that makes all the difference. Find that fiery purpose and your work becomes possible and easier.